When Conflict Strikes: How Nonviolence Can Transform Lives

For any parent, the last phone number you want to see on your phone during the day is your child’s school. In late December, just days after yet another tragic school shooting in Wisconsin, I got the call that every parent dreads.

Thankfully, it wasn’t a shooting. But my son, Kailash, experienced violence. A disagreement during a four-square game escalated, and he was violently pushed, hitting his head on the concrete and he suffered a concussion.

Even though I’m someone deeply committed to nonviolence — a student and practitioner of its principles — my immediate response was pure “Mama Bear” mode. My instinct to protect my son was natural and deeply human, and I honored those feelings as valid. But in that moment, I knew I had to draw on my study and practice of nonviolence to reframe and shift. Beyond my role as a mother to my own child, I aspired to think, live, and lead from a broader perspective. I asked myself: What would the divine mother — a guide, protector, and nurturer for all — do in a situation like this? How can this incident be an opportunity not just to protect my son, but to expand the circle of care and embody the maternal instinct to support the greater good?

Instead of shifting into blame, I grounded myself in the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh: “Peace in oneself, peace in the world.” I reached out to the other child’s parents with warmth and openness, aiming to turn the incident into an opportunity for repair and connection. I also spoke with my son about his role in escalating the conflict, emphasizing accountability and the importance of transforming these moments into teachable lessons. Together with the school we are transforming this conflict into an opportunity to bring explicit instruction on conflict management and nonviolence principles to his class, ensuring that all children can learn skills to navigate challenges with compassion and understanding.

I know things can feel overwhelming right now, especially with all that’s unfolding in the U.S. with the new administration. While it’s essential to stay engaged on a national level, it’s just as important to remember that peace and belonging begins within us — within our families, schools, and communities. If we can’t nurture them in our daily lives, in the small moments that can make a big difference, how can we build the world we dream of?

Nonviolence is often misunderstood as mere passivity or the absence of violence. In reality, it’s an active, love-centered approach to addressing conflict and injustice. The King Center defines nonviolence as “a love-centered way of thinking, speaking, engaging, and acting that leads to personal, cultural, and societal transformation.”

In my work coaching leaders on emotional and social intelligence, conflict management consistently scores as the weakest skill. Why? Because we live in a conflict-averse society, one that often avoids discomfort rather than embracing it as a pathway to growth.

At Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL), we hold space for leaders to cultivate the skills necessary to build Beloved Communities. We embrace conflict as a natural part of relationships, inspired by West African elder Malidoma Somé’s wisdom: “Conflict is the spirit of the relationship asking itself to deepen.”

Conflict is neutral; how we respond gives it meaning. Here are concrete strategies to respond nonviolently and transform conflicts into opportunities for growth:

n a world grappling with the Triple Evils of racism, poverty, and war, nonviolence is not just an ideal — it’s a necessity. Violence, whether in interpersonal conflicts or global crises, deepens chaos and bitterness. Nonviolence, on the other hand, is a creative, moral force that builds community and drives justice. Dr. King reminds us: “Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

I invite you to honor the legacy of nonviolence by weaving these practices into your daily life:

1. Pause and reflect during moments of tension.

2. Choose love-centered solutions, even in challenging situations.

3. Educate yourself on nonviolence through resources from the King Center or my article on Expanding the Vision of SEL to Cultivate Beloved Community.

4. Support organizations that embody these values, like TEL, which is equipping school leaders with the skills to be architects of Beloved Community.

Together, we can transform conflict into connection, building a world where justice and love prevail. As Dr. King said, “Nonviolence is a powerful and just weapon… It cuts without wounding and ennobles the man who wields it.”

Let us wield this weapon of love, for ourselves, our children, and the Beloved Community we seek to create.