Unlocking the Secret Powers of Tenderness
For the past several years I’ve been working as a leader in the field of Emotional Intelligence and in 2022 was honored to be recognized as one of 10 powerful women in the Mindfulness Movement and throughout that time I’ve been paying a lot of attention to tenderness
What I’ve discovered is that tenderness is often overlooked even though it is profound.
When you search for tenderness in scientific publications almost all the references have to do with meat tenderizers, or physical pain.
And yet, throughout history, across cultures and religions, tenderness, this feeling characterized by warmth and gentle care is seen as critical to cultivating a nurturing love. The survival of the human species may very well depend on tenderness.
What exactly is tenderness?
I define tenderness as a heart opening, expansive energy that melts a sense of separation from all life. Tenderness can make me feel a sense of warmth and it also awakens me to suffering.
Probably the best way to understand tenderness is to experience it. So I invite you now as you read to just pause, take a gentle breath and bring to mind an image that softens you into a feeling of tenderness. It may be a child, an elder or a pet, or a scene from nature. Whatever arises, just touch into what you are feeling right now and where in your body you feel it.
When I touch into tenderness, I feel it in my heart, it makes me come alive and I feel more connected.
Tenderness and Belonging
There is great yearning in the world for a sense of belonging–to be seen and to be loved. I believe that tenderness could be an answer to this longing.
So, embracing tenderness — opening our hearts –can be a pathway to cultivating the genuine relationships we need to flourish.
Parker Palmer wrote: “There is no more important work human hands can do than to hold a child with a fierce tenderness that says, in a way words never can, “You are loved, you are safe, you can trust.”
Why Tenderness is so Powerful
Tenderness is connected with empathy, compassion, and vulnerability. Empathy is feeling for and with others. Compassion is feeling for and with others coupled with the motivation to relieve suffering. Vulnerability is the courage to open up to others, it’s the birthplace of true connection. But tenderness can be a key ingredient that activates and deepens all of these other powerful emotions.
One of the reasons it can do that is because tenderness is embodied. In a world where most of us live in our heads, tenderness resides in the heart. Experiencing tenderness in my body is how I activate compassion and connection with myself and others.
Tenderness is reciprocal. There is a mutuality to it — it involves a relationship with myself, another, or nature. It’s not just reaching out but it’s allowing yourself to be reached, to be vulnerable.
The world can feel like a hard place. The Sufi poet, Rumi, wrote that “our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of the heart.”
We often hear people talk about empathy, compassion, and vulnerability but let’s not forget that a spark that ignites these flames, is tenderness.
YOUR INVITATION: CHECK OUT MY TEDX TALK ON TENDERNESS
If any aspects of this article resonated with you, I invite you to take 17:43 to engage with my TEDx talk: Unlocking the Secret Powers of Tenderness. Your support will help to raise the visibility on this important subject and help others think more deeply about how to cultivate greater tenderness towards themselves, each other and our beloved mother earth.
GET YOUR FREE TENDERNESS GUIDE
There is not much scientific research (yet) about tenderness. I am excited to share that I am collaborating with a friend and colleague — an emotion scientist — to develop a conceptual model of tenderness, stay tuned for updates and insights!
If the TEDx talk resonates with you be sure to access your FREE Tenderness Guide which includes:
- A guided meditation recording
- A key tenderness practice
- Reflection questions for deeper inquiry into tenderness
- A step by step plan for facilitating a discussion on tenderness
- A note catcher to capture your thoughts and ‘aha’ moments during my TEDx talk
- Poems and quotes about tenderness
It would mean so much to me if you can also share the talk and guide with your network: I believe in sharing whatever touches our hearts knowing that it may be just what is needed for the hearts of those we are connected with.
Author Bio: Meena Srinivasan is a contemplative leader, celebrated speaker, accomplished author, and visionary edupreneur. She is an educator-activist at heart, consistently championing the fusion of Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence, and Belonging. Meena was featured as one of 2022’s 10 Powerful Women of the Mindfulness Movement in Mindful Magazine and is the Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL)™ an organization that supports educational leaders in building more compassionate and just schools. A former public school administrator and National Board Certified Teacher, Meena is the creative force behind the SEL Every Day Online Courses, an instructor of graduate level Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) courses at UC Berkeley and the CEO of Karuna Consulting, LLC, an organization that takes its name from the Sanskrit word ‘Karuna,’ signifying compassion. Karuna Consulting is a certified Minority Business Enterprise (MBE) driven by a profound mission: to foster a more compassionate world through Meena’s keynotes, professional learning, coaching, and consulting services. She is the author of numerous publications including Teach, Breathe, Learn and SEL Every Day. The latter was honored as one of 2019’s Favorite Books for Educators by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Her TEDx talk on Tenderness is one of the most popular TEDx talks of 2024 (with over 2 million views). Meena has been practicing yoga and meditation for over 25 years, is an ordained Zen Buddhist and serves on the Board of the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation. Learn more at meenasrinivasan.com.
