The Thing that Makes or Breaks Relationships
As the daughter of hard-working immigrants, I inherited an intense work ethic. For as long as I can remember I’ve had incredible fortitude for getting things done. When I’m in my productivity zone it’s as if I’m surrounded by an impenetrable force field of focus.
Of course, it’s during these moments of intense concentration that my sweet husband often reaches out with bids for connection — a gentle touch, a kiss on the cheek, or a simple comment about the weather.
More often than not, I would respond with an internal scream: “Can’t you see how busy I am? I’m in my zone, trying to conquer my to-do list!”
But over time, I’ve learned that meeting these bids for connection is imperative to nurturing a thriving relationship.
Turning towards is from the Gottman’s research on relationships, and involves acknowledging and responding to our partner’s bids for connection. Bids for connection, whether subtle or overt, are the threads that weave emotional closeness and intimacy.
Studies show that truly solid relationships meet these bids around 86% of the time.
I’ve recognized that while I love getting things done and being efficient, my love for my husband is even stronger. So, I’m trying to change!
Just as I’ve learned to delicately touch the fragile plants in my garden, I’m on a journey to acknowledge and cherish the fragility of relationships. Without our conscious effort to nurture and tend to them, they simply cannot flourish.
Turning towards bids for connection extends far beyond romantic relationships. It holds true for all the connections we cherish — our friends, family, colleagues, and even strangers. Each interaction is an opportunity to embrace tenderness, compassion, and empathy.
Let us actively choose to foster a sense of belonging and deepen the bonds we share.
I invite you to turn towards those bids for connection, no matter how seemingly insignificant.
Whether it’s a friendly gesture, a listening ear, or a shared moment of vulnerability, can we respond with genuine care and compassion?
Join me in practicing the art of meeting these bids to nurture the relationships that enrich our lives. Together, let’s celebrate the beauty of connection, knowing that it’s the foundation upon which our growth and happiness are built.
Author Bio: Meena Srinivasan is a contemplative leader, celebrated speaker, accomplished author, and visionary edupreneur. She is an educator-activist at heart, consistently championing the fusion of Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence, and Belonging. Meena was featured as one of 2022’s 10 Powerful Women of the Mindfulness Movement in Mindful Magazine and is the Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL)™ an organization that supports educational leaders in building more compassionate and just schools. A former public school administrator and National Board Certified Teacher, Meena is the creative force behind the SEL Every Day Online Courses, an instructor of graduate level Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) courses at UC Berkeley and the CEO of Karuna Consulting, LLC, an organization that takes its name from the Sanskrit word ‘Karuna,’ signifying compassion. Karuna Consulting is a certified Minority Business Enterprise (MBE) driven by a profound mission: to foster a more compassionate world through Meena’s keynotes, professional learning, coaching, and consulting services. She is the author of numerous publications including Teach, Breathe, Learn and SEL Every Day. The latter was honored as one of 2019’s Favorite Books for Educators by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Her TEDx talk on Tenderness is one of the most popular TEDx talks of 2024 (with over 2 million views). Meena has been practicing yoga and meditation for over 25 years, is an ordained Zen Buddhist and serves on the Board of the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation. Learn more at meenasrinivasan.com.
