Comparison Steals Your Joy: How to Rejoice in the Good Fortune of Others
In one of my most challenging periods — navigating the road to motherhood marked by a miscarriage — I discovered healing in an unexpected form: reveling in the joy of others. Though tinged with sorrow initially, each celebration of a friend’s pregnancy and birth became a moment to affirm a powerful mantra within myself: “That’s for me too.” This affirmation went beyond mere hope; it was a deep recognition that joy and possibility exist, even if not in the ways or timelines I had envisioned.
This profoundly challenging time taught me that joy isn’t a finite resource but something we can share expansively. The phrase “That’s for me too” not only buoyed my spirits but also laid the groundwork for cultivating mudita, a key Buddhist virtue of finding joy in the happiness and good fortune of others. It’s common to feel a twinge of jealousy or envy at another’s success, which can lead us to question our own worth. This reaction, however, only feeds into a narrative of scarcity and fear.
Choosing to cultivate mudita is a deliberate decision to reject comparisons that foster suffering. By embracing this practice, the happiness of others has become more of a source of my own joy, effectively multiplying the opportunities I have to feel joyful.
How can you cultivate a mudita mindset/heartset?
While we often witness the visible triumphs of others, the hidden layers of their lives remain obscured. Acknowledging that we all navigate the peaks of joy and the valleys of sorrow binds us in our shared humanity. I vividly recall the heartbreak in my doctor’s office, confronted by the devastating silence where a baby’s heartbeat should have resonated — a moment that deeply connected my spirit with those who had experienced similar grief, expanding my capacity for compassion. Seeking solace, my husband and I turned to the ritual of mizuko kuyo, deeply rooted in his Japanese heritage at the Green Gulch Dharma Center. In the garden of the Sebastopol Zen Center, we placed a Jizo, to honor both our grief and our journey toward healing.
Miraculously, ten months later, the universe presented its exquisite timing: my son, Kailash, was born on the very day we received seed funding to launch Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL). This divine synchronicity marked the beginning of two incredible journeys — raising my son and nurturing our organization.
I invite you to deepen your practice of rejoicing in the joy of others, enhancing not only their happiness but also enriching your own emotional landscape. When you rejoice in the happiness of millions, you open endless opportunities for your own joy.
Author Bio: Meena Srinivasan is a contemplative leader, celebrated speaker, accomplished author, and visionary edupreneur. She is an educator-activist at heart, consistently championing the fusion of Mindfulness, Emotional Intelligence, and Belonging. Meena was featured as one of 2022’s 10 Powerful Women of the Mindfulness Movement in Mindful Magazine and is the Executive Director of Transformative Educational Leadership (TEL)™ an organization that supports educational leaders in building more compassionate and just schools. A former public school administrator and National Board Certified Teacher, Meena is the creative force behind the SEL Every Day Online Courses, an instructor of graduate level Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) courses at UC Berkeley and the CEO of Karuna Consulting, LLC, an organization that takes its name from the Sanskrit word ‘Karuna,’ signifying compassion. Karuna Consulting is a certified Minority Business Enterprise (MBE) driven by a profound mission: to foster a more compassionate world through Meena’s keynotes, professional learning, coaching, and consulting services. She is the author of numerous publications including Teach, Breathe, Learn and SEL Every Day. The latter was honored as one of 2019’s Favorite Books for Educators by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Her TEDx talk on Tenderness is one of the most popular TEDx talks of 2024 (with over 2 million views). Meena has been practicing yoga and meditation for over 25 years, is an ordained Zen Buddhist and serves on the Board of the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation. Learn more at meenasrinivasan.com.
